Skyseas

 Where I had dreams of cities underwater. Everything was painted in azure tones. Swimming through the skies. I still remember days I'd see overcast deep royal skies. It seemed as if whales encompassed the sky before rainfall. I found sapphires between the clouds. The storms were brewing, but I parked my soul right in the midst of the pressure that was brewing. It was such a beautiful sight. The sea and the sky truly consummated their marriage that day. A childhood memory. And I was a witness to enjoy such a celestial display between two celestial bodies. I lost all semblence of reality and self as I stared into a midnight blue display of color in the afternoon. The onset of many hurricanes. 

 And what of it now that you would even peruse me from my slumber? Have you not cursed thyself to silence and still you speak? Suffer it not to the multitude of nights where you would have yourself slain for the sin of speaking what thy heart is full of. Your heart is darker than the skin you were conceived in. Were it not for your futile efforts to mask your tumultuous face with a human's, you would have long been cast out from the lives of those you surround yourself with. It is better to be alone in your suffering. Sever thy hands for you have not love within you. Pluck out thy tongue for no rivers of life dwell within you. Inwardly you know of the serpent who has ceased all meaning of your life. I beseech you for once to accept the death that has been handed to you.

I know that my light has been darkened as I've wondered through the tombs of my own mind, but am I truly with out love? Am I a cruel thing? Is my presence so heavy to those around me that I demolish their spirits with the pattering of my feet? Do I truly place grievous wounds on their hearts with such great intent and bitterness?! Has not that bitterness that was my birthright been directed only towards myself?! It has not and never will be my thought to disturb the essence of mankind. I am not so evil that I would provide such mourning upon another soul. That is why I wish to resolve myself to isolation, to maintain mine eyes to the caves of the unseen. I place the charge upon life itself if it wishes to draw me out of my prison, but I promise to hide myself further until the call of love wakes me from my deathly slumber. Oh bitter one who gives me reason to drown in ichors and potions, who causes me to rend my flesh open in vain attempts to find ears to listen, why must you torment me so? Have we not sat in these cells for long? Have we not been our only companions since our inception? I cannot leave you here. I wish to be free, but my sorrows have broken my strength and I have long since lost faith in my release. Should I perish here, I would have no regret for this has been my home. I know not else that exists, nor have I tasted the color of day in many moons. Love, freedom, and the breath that has quickened me to move have been stolen from me, and I do believe oftentimes that I was never meant for such things. My black wings have filled the hearts of those I loved with such dread. Maybe you are correct old friend, it is good that we remain here until sleep ensnares us once again.

Its A Given

Writing is like playing 88 keys. Every single time my fingers are graced with singing within each string, I play the syncopations of my mind, which means none of my words should ever be taken with the salt you lace your tongue with. Each and every penstroke, each and every keystroke carries a multitude of songs that I've been blessed with the eyes to see. Henceforth, I would so gallantly give word that my words carry a bass tone heavier than most, from a heart ever so tender. Thats why I got these so called Braggin Writes.

The Grey Seas

 I can only feel when I'm drunk. I can only speak when I'm drunk. Otherwise it all fades away into that infinite grey. It all falls by the wayside where I lose vision and can only feel the pinpricks of certain emotions. I need to write this down now before I lose it again. I do not know any other which way to communicate what great sorrow I feel deep within me. I do not know how to reach those around me. Every word spoken is always left on deaf ears. I cannot give unless I am in this state of remission. To be completely drowned in drink and sadness is the only way that I can feel at all. Otherwise, everything becomes dried and withered. 

I write this in absolute desperation as slumber calls my name once again. I cannot even cry or shed tears unless under the spell of the bottle. How much this thing has captivated my life betwixt this and the damage of my heart and mind.How many names I wish I could recite into this passage and afterwards I'd simply fade into some form of dissolution. I do not hide my pain in a sense of any choice, but because the entirety of who I am wants to swallow me whole into the sea of unmoving waters.

 That grey sea stifles any and all forms of thought, reality, and forms of being. Nothing moves. Each and every emotion is right outside of my grasp as I swim further to the deepest depths of such a place. And yet at least at the gates of Hades I would at least feel the pangs of hellfire beneath my feet. I beseech you in earnest desperation that you should NEVER find access to this tomb. My organs have become like granite, shattered within my hands. Where blood once moved, it has been replaced with the sands of what once was that I cradled so dearly. The horror of a destination that destroys all before you. Time is nothingness. My bones have become calcified and have yearned much more for oblivion rather than the ability to hold up my frame. Free me from these chains for I belong here. Keep me locked away in this chamber for I wish to be set free.

33 Degrees of Silence

 I was always Scottie Pippen in the eyes of my peers. Second child, always overlooked. Double third place, double take me as a crook. Twice as low, send me to the 6th circle, my 6th sense on overdrive. All I see is nothing and death surrounding me. Even though I walk through the Shadow of the Valley of it all, I cannot see you there. I am the opposite, the unknown, the unknowable. Luigi ain't got shit on me, at least he keeps the blue on his pockets.

Leprosy

 You are the initial reason for every intimate plague placed upon humanity itself. You evil disgusting creature. I wish you would cease from even the most simplest of thought. Each one of your digits and limbs are a reminder of each and every sin placed upon humanity as a whole. You were forced out of that decrepit womb with the hatred you so righteously deserve. Every steo you take upon this earth is a curse of your inherent pestilence. You insignificant sum of rotting flesh, why couldn't you die in your infancy with each grasping breath. There is nothing to be redeemed of your core. Your desire for love and acceptance is beyond laughable, who could ever look at such a pitiful creature with any form of value? The entire world is a stage constantly laughing at your leprous behavior. You are nothing short of a corpse attempting to achieve some form of twisted humanity. Disappear.

I wrote this while drunk as shit.

 All that I can conceive in my limited space is the possibility to dance with you endlessly into the serenity of those Elysium fields. To watch midnight intertwine us ever closer. You are my obsession in each waking day, my solace in each night as I lay to access your realms. The color that we see out of the same eye is a reflection of the songs that I have contained within me over these years. I feverishly await the moment where I am able to truly expose to you all that I am in those moments. You see me even now, and yet it is only the cascading of my heart spilling forth from my lips. I can wait no longer 'til the day you are able to find your hands deep in the wellspring of my heart to see all that I am. The waves of the sea and the waves of emotion that I feel all through the night are too reminiscent of your touch. In each moment as I roam across this earth, I am always in search of the core of your essence. In each note played, in each display of love, in each and every little detail I find the clues left by your tears of desire. 

I've borne so much witness to your celestial dance as each wave pummels the shoreline, your metaphor for our hands joining once again each day even though we are so seperated by what seems to be trivial means. I yearn for you, I miss you, I love you. None of these words suffice for the truth that hides in the deepest caverns of my soul, and yet you've dug so deep and have curated the onyx of my heart and soul. You have found beauty in my infinite darkness and have put ease to the strenuous tasks of all of my attempts to reach you. You searched for me as well. I see your tribulations from miles away, and yet... I feel so powerless to all the evils in your life. I wish I could put a cease to your tears, yet you cry out for me. 

There are not and there never will be enough words in the language I've been trained in to even conceive the desire, the hunger, the sorrow, the pleasure, the peace that I feel when you draw near to me. This labyrnth of hell that I've endured my entire life, I have been searching for your voice echoed in these chambers. I hate hearing the pain in your voice, yet it is the fuel to my flame to continue searching.

What confuddles me in my musings is that as I openly say that I would do anything for you, I would cut mountains in half just to see you again, You easily reply that I already have. No other woman could ever supplant for your love. I've decorated you in all the jewels of my heart over millenia and I find that it isn't enough... Yet all you can think of is how much you can give to me back. All I could ever desire out of you is your presence and the easiness of your heavy arms encompassing me.