How does a soul cry out for life and.death in the same breadth.

How does one beg to be unshackled unto freedom, and yet beg for God to bring the sword to his neck.

See my heart. See the truth to my self. Read the long aether trail that men pretend to not exist.

I do not like the pessimistic, pragmatic, and hedonistic ways of men. Your senses be but broken tresses lest ye fill yourself with common sense.

Senselessness comes when it is permissible to say that common sense is uncommon in these times.

Nothing is as wonderful as a newborn child. Nothing is as pure as the children of this world. Untouched, far from being mangled by this world. So full of love, light, and truth. It brings tears to my eyes when I see them. I pray and hope each one doesn't have to deal with the foolishness of this world, this life. To remain as they are, brought into this world.

Woke up feeling mighty weird today...I can actually...see again. It's weird though... I woke up wanting to do so much today, clean my room and call my dad, but...Now I'm sitting here paralyzed into just listening to music.

Welp...I guess I finally allowed myself to come to the realization that I'm in a very sick environment.
For a very long time, the same people that decided to coke me up on anti-psychotics and forcefeed me the bullshit that I was mentally ill for so long, now have the tenacity to tell me "I don't believe you're bipolar." as an excuse not to get me treatment, or as an excuse for me to not pursue what they dream for me in my life. Its very hard for me to...accept or even believe that these people "love" or care for me, or if they just do everything out of a reactive guilty conscience. I'm unsure. I really don't have time for all these mindgames as I'm steady trying to figure out who I am because people wanted to take and think for me for so long.

Its as if I never had the chance to actually be myself in so long that...I can't even remember what makes me, me.

I'm in a real...fucked up situation. I try so hard to do anything and theres always something telling me that I do best when I don't try. To just flow. But its so hard to just let everything go. I always feel as if life is slipping me by as I'm watching everyone live and I'm slowly dying. I wanna get up, go out there and get it, but it all doesn't seem like its meant for me. Like it won't contain me.

All I can remember was constantly being placed in comparison with the people around me. I want to forget old habits, pitting myself against everyone around me. I hate it. Damn its so difficult just TRYING to be myself.

The mindless serpent. The one who climbs to the top of the tree in search of the fruit of life. And as soon as he obtains it, disregards it for it does not fill him entirely. Slithering his way through life without aim, only gaining that which others contest with bloodshed for. It means nothing to him. But he does it for the sake of his peers that wish for him to conform to their dreams. He cares not any longer.

A serenade from a woman's sweet heart is much more than any benign kiss. Tis an invite into that seething aether pool of her infinitum truth. Nothing could ever compare.

I thought myself insane, until I saw a man fall in love with a goddess who was so far from him. At that moment, I realized why I followed his example at times...but no longer can I do so. I pray for him daily.