Friday, December 13, 2013

This whole year... This whole year has been a true hell for me. Ever since my girl left me last year, I never experienced bullshit like this. My friends... they all died on me, everybody died on me. Depressive wave after depressive wave. From the fear that I might get a bomb dropped on my head, to the constant paranoia that someone is looking at my every move, determining if I am fit for society or not. I gave all I could to the people around me, and... I just... its just all kinds of hell for me. I've never felt so cold in my life. From my brother getting shot, to my dog dying that same fucking week, to having people I thought had my back lie to my face saying they would help me. The constant ups and downs of me thinking I'm moving out with an oppurtunity to restart, to them not even trying to give me any update on what the fuck is going on. Over 200 dollars have been stolen from my home, and each day I have less and less resolve to go on.

How do you tell someone you want to die so that you can finally give rest to all the unecessary bullshit? How do you tell them to not force them into pity, but for them to feel enough of your sorrow that they may extend a hand to you? There is no escape from this. She wants to be just "friends", but I say fuck a goddamned friend. When I needed her most, her words in anger towards me were "I hate you."

I can no longer see the luster and light in life. And there are none that care to hear or see my plight. So called christians only look at me with vitriol. No cry for help can reach their ears.

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