Both of my parents have too many flaws. My dad is ex-military so of course he's hard-headed and straight-forward. But it sucks to hear depression in his voice. Him having to deal with bills and payments and shit.

I'm sitting here looking at both of my parents wondering why the fuck they hate each other so much after 19 years, and why they just killed themselves over nothing

TO achieve NOTHING.
Pursuing a dollar for no fucking reason whatsoever.

I mean sure, I got the best video games, all the systems, all the computers, but I lost my family. I lost my peace of mind. I'd rather throw all this shit away and live in the middle of a forest than to endure having all of this.

People tell me to be thankful for all of it, but this is nothing to be thankful for. That I lost the love of my family, because of their own internal angers.

I don't want to spend 30-40 years of my life doing bullshit in hopes of securing a future when my future is now. I don't want to do so IN HOPE that things will get better. I want to better myself now. I want to take steps to live NOW. I want to do all that I enjoy and love NOW. Not wait til later just because of this abnormal ass monetary system we've adopted that goes all against our true nature.

I think...If theres anything I can be thankful of, its to see the example that my parents placed in front of me, telling me what the fuck not to do in my life. What not to pursue. But man...I wish I knew what I'm supposed to do.