My main fear was that I would never be heard, that I'd be completely alone my life. But...that ancient soul always comes through to touch me. A constant reminder that He is watching, that I will not fail, I will not fall, and that I am heard.

Its terrifying. Terrifying how we've reached a point in our society where a life, a single soul, is reduced to nothing but a bag of chemicals and seemingly untied impulses resulting from thus. How a man's experiences, his thoughts, his unrelenting creativity, his heart, the vastness of who he is, his divinity, his rights, are stripped in but a mere moment in a scoffing tone. One out of 7 billion. Yet the whole 7 billion are part of a body. We're all part of a giant cosmic eye that sees far out beyond the vastness of this life. "What makes me so special?" And yet I always hear, "Who are you to detract from the truth that lies within you? You know nothing of your own self. How are you to dictate what is and what isn't meant for you? Allow me to open these doors for you, these pathways into a more prosperous life. Let not the fools beguile you in mistaking riches and wealth for gold."

I learned at a young age that the premium currency is what stems from an open heart bathed in love.
I learned at a young age, in the midst of my pain, that the greatest gift is a friend, a lover, a husband, a wife, a mother, a father, or just someone that is bound to the heart, mind, and soul.
I also learned that same year that no one truly knows what it means to taste the feet of heaven, and not being able to share that infinitum wealth. To see the truth of all that is, and yet knowing that all around you tend to the darkness. I wish for them to see my heart, to hear my prayer.
Most nights are spent in crying for I see hell all around me. I wonder what has happened that I see all of this now compared to the expansiveness that was once laid before my feet.

For God to bestow all of this upon my broken mind, I know that I am saved, even while afflicted with great sorrow. But it is moments like these when I see his hand, though heavy upon me, is leading me through these valleys to set me on high at the mountains. With a heavy sigh, I can safely admit that there is nothing that can contain me except God himself. No lover could amount to what I desire.

I have found that what is most valued, is but nothing to learned men.
I'd rather be a fool and a vagabond, filled in my spirit, than to have lost my soul to this world. I do not wish to pertain myself to anything. No doctrine can contain the fullness of God, only what is spoken and heard in utter silence.

"What does it mean to be me? Who am I?" Those are two questions I ask daily.

I beseech you all, let not yourselves thrive after a identity fabricated by this life, but seek an identity through Him who made thee.

Its crazy really, my life has been on hold for a long long time now. And... after this month, it seems as though a huge drastic change is gonna take place. A new beginning, a new life. I never thought it was possible, but it is. Even after 20 years. This is gonna be the longest month of my fucking life. Every day used to zoom by for the past couple of years or so, I still remember almost every day spent. Its just weird how things can take such a drastic turn in such a short period of time. Things you think can only happen on TV, actually take place right in front of you. Right before your very eyes. Some moments I see the darkness and the storm brewing outside, but at the same time, I don't care. Call me an ignoramus or a prideful asshole, but I haven't lived my life yet. Darkness has always been on my doorstep, and even performed a home invasion, but... fuck it. God moves. The whole world could be set ablaze overnight, and I'd still be at peace just knowing that my whole life is secure in God's hands. I may face some of the greatest adversity, but I know I will overcome by He who is within me. And with a heavy sigh, I reiterate to myself that I still got about...3 and a half weeks left. I see the beauty of my childhood played before my eyes. It...compels me to snatch everyone I know by the throat, and throw them outside, cleansing their minds of any and all thoughts. To just see without speaking for once. Without attempting to compile their thoughts. To just see. To shut the fuck up, put the blunt down, and just...see. See, and embrace. But at the same time, I know this separation is necessary. My soul does not run like the rest of the world. And evenso, I am not completely detracted from those that love.

There are those, even if they are few, that know me and my heart without knowing my face. Our souls are ancient and communicate daily, only praying for the moment we shall finally be in tandem with each other. True, it is a very painful ordeal, but worth more than what the mind can conceive. This whole place ain't my home. Not because my home is somewhere painted as an end destination, but the returning of where I once truly dwelt. I still remember the great things that birthed from my heart in that wonderous plane.

"Who are you to deny yourself the greatest that life itself has to offer you?
So it be that you may receive so much from life, but what greater there is that stems from God's heart.
Who are you to deny such great gifts?"

When I say I love you, I want it to be more than just 3 words I utter. I'm hoping I don't stutter when I say this, but I want to send a shock wave throughout your life, not just your body. I want you to see the waves of emotions pour over you when I show you how I truly feel.
I want it to be more than just a simple expression of some obtuse ideal, but the extension of myself towards you.