How does a soul cry out for life and.death in the same breadth.

How does one beg to be unshackled unto freedom, and yet beg for God to bring the sword to his neck.

See my heart. See the truth to my self. Read the long aether trail that men pretend to not exist.

I do not like the pessimistic, pragmatic, and hedonistic ways of men. Your senses be but broken tresses lest ye fill yourself with common sense.

Senselessness comes when it is permissible to say that common sense is uncommon in these times.

Nothing is as wonderful as a newborn child. Nothing is as pure as the children of this world. Untouched, far from being mangled by this world. So full of love, light, and truth. It brings tears to my eyes when I see them. I pray and hope each one doesn't have to deal with the foolishness of this world, this life. To remain as they are, brought into this world.

Woke up feeling mighty weird today...I can actually...see again. It's weird though... I woke up wanting to do so much today, clean my room and call my dad, but...Now I'm sitting here paralyzed into just listening to music.

Welp...I guess I finally allowed myself to come to the realization that I'm in a very sick environment.
For a very long time, the same people that decided to coke me up on anti-psychotics and forcefeed me the bullshit that I was mentally ill for so long, now have the tenacity to tell me "I don't believe you're bipolar." as an excuse not to get me treatment, or as an excuse for me to not pursue what they dream for me in my life. Its very hard for me to...accept or even believe that these people "love" or care for me, or if they just do everything out of a reactive guilty conscience. I'm unsure. I really don't have time for all these mindgames as I'm steady trying to figure out who I am because people wanted to take and think for me for so long.

Its as if I never had the chance to actually be myself in so long that...I can't even remember what makes me, me.

I'm in a real...fucked up situation. I try so hard to do anything and theres always something telling me that I do best when I don't try. To just flow. But its so hard to just let everything go. I always feel as if life is slipping me by as I'm watching everyone live and I'm slowly dying. I wanna get up, go out there and get it, but it all doesn't seem like its meant for me. Like it won't contain me.

All I can remember was constantly being placed in comparison with the people around me. I want to forget old habits, pitting myself against everyone around me. I hate it. Damn its so difficult just TRYING to be myself.

The mindless serpent. The one who climbs to the top of the tree in search of the fruit of life. And as soon as he obtains it, disregards it for it does not fill him entirely. Slithering his way through life without aim, only gaining that which others contest with bloodshed for. It means nothing to him. But he does it for the sake of his peers that wish for him to conform to their dreams. He cares not any longer.

A serenade from a woman's sweet heart is much more than any benign kiss. Tis an invite into that seething aether pool of her infinitum truth. Nothing could ever compare.

I thought myself insane, until I saw a man fall in love with a goddess who was so far from him. At that moment, I realized why I followed his example at times...but no longer can I do so. I pray for him daily.

And yet, all was said and done with but a fist and a smile.

Getting a bit tired of people trying to think for me. Im not interested in finding a girl. If its meant to be, Ill let her come to me instead. Im not trying to push anything. And Im sorry to all those- matter fact, Im not sorry to those who I see have so much, and yet lie to themselves daily because of bullshit. I see inside the hearta of the lowly and sorrowful. Men think they find strength in the largest figures. But its the low.ones that still cleave to their integrities.

God moves.

People really think I plagiarize my content o.o Hoooolyyyy shiiiit. Ooooh myyy goood.

Cant sleep because of that negtive miasma people drink from...Jesus man, the minds of humanity are twisted. Such hatred for no apparent good reason. And yet, Im painted as the villain. I love my bros, but I just cant deal with them being around 24/7. Theyre the type you can only chill with on saturdays. We walk completely seperate paths. alot of their shit, I dont agree witg, but I still love em. Just need room to be me, not drowning in the lives of others, following after their crowd, their friends, their lifestyles. I finallt have the chance to be me without hinderance.

People think... because she's no longer in my life, that I have an enmity towards God. People think they see my heart. They know me not. Only a mask which they attempted to place on my face. People claim I rebel against God because I see the fallacies in their wayward perceptions. I see the thoughts and prayers of men who believe Ive given up all that I am to ine adversaries.

They couldn't be further from the truth. And yet, their stumbling causes my mind to throw itself against the wall in agony as I see their terrors, fears, and presumptions. It is saddening. Forgive me if I donnot wish to wave a flag in proclamation of something that surelt isn't. My heart and I only wish to cling to that which is unobtainable, unutterable, the infinitum tonall that simply is. This isn't some new age spiritual bullshit, I don't care for the pragmatic pretenses of men who stumble after only what their eyes can see.

Your prayers mean naught. Only the tears of broken hearts and utter much more and lend such fruit to the ears of our Father. Shed tears in wailing heartfult true pain as ye bear the burdens of all men under the sun. Have ye not felt the suffering of billions in but a fortnight? And yet, ye choose to partake in the acknowledgement in that man which you do not, and will never understand? Grt the hence for your mouths are filled with putrid lies, fueled by self-justification to torture poor souls as a foothold to what only your brolen eyes can muster.

I cannot even sleep for I hear and see these broken cries of lackluster men who methodically try to see infinity in some religious order. Men who wish to fond Gos in the church, but cannot see the glimmer of our father's eyes on a midsummer's day, or under the full lit night of a thousand dancing stars. See the majesty of the infinitude hsppen before your very eyes.

Partake in the ascertainment of all that is beautoful, not with vain maysayings of that which simply isn't.
Who is the messenger, does it matter? Did you at least get thr message as ye war with one another woth banal differences which hold no worth?

Seek the eyes of He who moves Ye. For ye cannot move lest he permit thine foot to take plant upon the roots of life. Seek the heart of the greatest lover, for there is no other way to live. Seek not the face of a man,for ye shalt surely die by hellfire. Seek not a savior, for the savior is the one setting you free so you may save yourselves. Men have taken everything from you,even belief in yourselves. And the one you called savior, only wished to open your eyes to the potential stored in you...

"These things that I do, ye shall do also. And yet, greater things shall come of you.". Your savior wishes to empower you to take life by its reins.

Isnt it empowering to hear that you can do all of these things? Why do you not use your imagination and seek from the core of your essence? Men believe the laws of God are written in documents. It is written upon thine life, in your soul. We are not born out of decay you fools! And yet I still hear the tongues of you that curse me for I seem to deviate from your proliferated track of thought. Has your "god" also relieves you of your abilityto think? Do you not see all of the doible edged swords that lay in wake to taunt and confuse you? The first double edged sword was our own selfish doing. Now, lets finally relieve ourselves of these prison mindsets. A slave to Christ? I thought he set you free? And still I hear you say so much of me as if I do not cling to the words of my brother. That great prophet who was disgraced and sacrificed. Yahoshua. Even my brother speaks to me saying to seek God. Seek the source, not the messenger. And yet, men call me muslim just because I wish not to gorge myself on unrighteous foods.

All in all, I cleave to my father now, more than ever for I am in great need. Nothing can satiate me than to be drunken with Love's kiss.

(Sorry for any grammar mistakes, lets see you try writing this on a touch screen phone with big.friggin bear paws.)

I wanna do this. I wanna do that.
But it seems as if I only wanna do this and that just to keep my parents off my back.
I wanna do this and that because it seems like all my old friends are succeeding where I'm failing.
I wanna do this and that because I don't want everyone to call me a shitton of wasted potential.
I wanna do this and that because I don't want to be labeled as something I'm not.
But its gonna happen anyway. Guess I just gotta get over it huh?
Do what you love is what they say, but theres nothing I enjoy any longer.

The sun don't shine like it used to. Its missing its luster. That glow that caused mens true hearts to show.
They call it depression and laugh because I look blue. I'm sorry that I cannot see life renewed.

They say call Jesus, and he's near, but I can't accept half the shit that he has to say. Its not true about me.
Not me, for I've done the worst. Not me, because I'm the vampire that drains the world.
But if I could, I'd give everything away just to make some smile even for a moment.
It brings me great sadness that everything I do is for but just a day. Hopefully some will remember my actions, not my face. What was done, not who I was. I hope they take that, and further themselves.

But it all feels like boldface lies. A perpetuation of a justification for my own thoughts and ideals. Or so what people told me. I wonder oftentimes what they spoke of, the only ideals that float through my mind are giving all that I can so that some may be able to stifle that hunger that dwells upon the lips of everyone's hearts.

I thought I could be coldhearted, but I oftentime shed tears at even the smallest blight upon another man's being.

I try not to ask others for anything, not out of pride, but because I feel take so much from people already. Every step outside makes me want to return to my cell, and every moment inside this cell, makes we wish to break free.

Half of what I do, with the random childishness, is to give people some light. To distract them from the darkness outside. But I guess its no good. Tis vain. For I cannot even make myself smile when doing so. Besides...Maybe they're all supposed to walk through that horrific place.

I fear I've been ehre so long that I cannot remember if I'm still here, or on the other side of that path just yet.

Find it hard to think sometimes...Feels as if someone is constantly nitpicking at every single thought I have.

Theres always that little voice inside your head thats so quiet. So subtle. So beautiful even that always speaks of your purity. I find it hard to believe that voice. Very hard. All I see is what I've done to everyone else around me. Or maybe I see what they see, and have long discarded my own view on things.

I wish people would post more comments.

There seems to be a perversion of every aspect of the human condition. We've been led.to believe in the negative aspects of the homo sapiens species. There is so much thats redeeming about us that you never hear. You never hear of the greatest day to day accomplishments of each soul, only stories spinned to recieve the greatest ratings. They say live without darkness and violence is boring, and will sell you every single thing to make you believe that, as well as painting a world with peace as being one of unanimous conformify towards a singular deifiied entity. They say believe in God, but God in the flesh said to believe in yourself. Believe in where you came from. Believe in who you truly are at the core essence of your being.

That which is of love and true unfathomable purity.

"These things that I do, ye shall do also. And yet greater things shall come of you."  I never see this empowering statement being preached. I dont see it anywhere. I dont see the souls getting fed, only "saved". We've been allowed countless times to get things right against those oppress us on a worldwide scale. And yet, we lie dormant hoping the next man will do something about it. Our inaction, our silence, is the greatest weapon being used against us. Take each day as an oppurtunity to give. Even if its to give to what is unseen. The heart that is moved is the greatest.force that is known and unknown.

Do not confound yourself in attempts to understand this world. That which is not of love, is not meant to be understood.

I feel the unprecedented hatred of so many, and yet I know they cannot see Me. The actuality of myself, for they cannot see far from the cloud-minded fog they smear across their faces.

I hate it all so damm much.
All this anger and I try so hard to hide it because it feels unjustified. And running after God made me alot lonelier and enigmatic to everyone around me.

But evenso, certain events are starting to make sense now. I just want all the childish shit to end...

I heard someone say thst your life is your voice. I guess a self placed.bullet to the head is a great way to say "Fuck you and everything you stand for."

Always the cute little text messages with the bullshit fantasies and make-believe words. Feels like everything she said was just an empty lie as she was staring down the next guy's pants.

The moment when you stumble on old text messages from her.
After all the shit thats happened, it makes me not wanna believe in love. To throw away evrything I am and just be cold and silent, working on absolutely nothing. Just going through life without any thought to it whatsoever. No emotions. To sit where I need to be, do what I have to do, and die.

To just go through life as a spectator to an automaton.
I dont want to believe in anyone or anything. I just want to go and get this all over with. Just about tired of dreams hopes and wishes. Just...done. Done with everyone. Most of my social interactions result in bullshit. People love to talk but I aint got shit to say to almost any soul.

I see the ancestors of lost children crying tears of the blood shed in oppression and hatred. I see the young children selling their birthright not realizing they accepted their old slavemasters yoke once again.