The Grey Seas

 I can only feel when I'm drunk. I can only speak when I'm drunk. Otherwise it all fades away into that infinite grey. It all falls by the wayside where I lose vision and can only feel the pinpricks of certain emotions. I need to write this down now before I lose it again. I do not know any other which way to communicate what great sorrow I feel deep within me. I do not know how to reach those around me. Every word spoken is always left on deaf ears. I cannot give unless I am in this state of remission. To be completely drowned in drink and sadness is the only way that I can feel at all. Otherwise, everything becomes dried and withered. 

I write this in absolute desperation as slumber calls my name once again. I cannot even cry or shed tears unless under the spell of the bottle. How much this thing has captivated my life betwixt this and the damage of my heart and mind.How many names I wish I could recite into this passage and afterwards I'd simply fade into some form of dissolution. I do not hide my pain in a sense of any choice, but because the entirety of who I am wants to swallow me whole into the sea of unmoving waters.

 That grey sea stifles any and all forms of thought, reality, and forms of being. Nothing moves. Each and every emotion is right outside of my grasp as I swim further to the deepest depths of such a place. And yet at least at the gates of Hades I would at least feel the pangs of hellfire beneath my feet. I beseech you in earnest desperation that you should NEVER find access to this tomb. My organs have become like granite, shattered within my hands. Where blood once moved, it has been replaced with the sands of what once was that I cradled so dearly. The horror of a destination that destroys all before you. Time is nothingness. My bones have become calcified and have yearned much more for oblivion rather than the ability to hold up my frame. Free me from these chains for I belong here. Keep me locked away in this chamber for I wish to be set free.