Im angry.

Just a question...We speak so much about not aligning ourselves towards God and his desires. What happens when all we desired was the betterment of mankind as a whole? What if all we desired was to attune ourselves to unlimited truth to begin with? I recall the days hearing the voice of the one who guides me so easily. Going to and fro through life without worry, and not having to ask for a single thing. Everything came with ease. Maybe its just me and foolish thinking trying to put myself away from love itself, or maybe its me trying too hard to appease to others. As soon as the thought of me not serving my God well enough because of what everyone else said about me, I became so far from him. From then on, I felt as if I had to verify myself daily in his eyes, or those around me. If I spoke to those I considered close at hte time about it, they'd say it was pride and jealousy. I guess it was that. But at the same time, I always had an issue with people not recognizing the smallest to the greatest efforts I made in my life on an internal level. Having to change middle schools and my mom calling me a retard hurt quite a bit. Especially since I was coked up on antidepressant meds and it being her decision. But anyways, it just bothers me how...the things concerning faith have no longer followed being in the stillness of self, and have become a tradition of proclamation. It just bothers the shit out of me. Not because its that no one wants to hear it, but I think God hears us much more when we don't say a goddamned thing because a quiet heart speaks much more than open mouths.
OH AND ONE MOOOOORE THING. Ever notice how alot of modern churches use alot of pagan and eastern rituals? Especially the Kundalini mindsets. Look man, I don't like that new age shit. I don't like all this "5th dimensional thinking" shit. Iunno. I stay away from shit that takes people up like its a storm. I can't help but think its brainwash. Follow the lore of thine heart, follow the lore of infinitude. Follow what cannot be spoken of. Not because of its complexity or any foolishness, but because its a sin to even speak of it. Its a sin because words cannot attest to the truth of infinity. Its sooooo farrr out there. But god dammit, thats where we belong. Stop saying we can't reach it. Stop saying you aren't worthy. Only God himself will say you're worthy. Only your heart will say that. Everything else is this bullshit world. I hate that. I hate it so much.

I honestly believe that there is such a huge misconception on who and what God truly is. We go on so far as by what tradition tells us. And even then, those who claim they are parted from religion and follow Christ and the like, still pertain to traditions and so on. I think niggas just forget to go outside and sit in the sun for 5 minutes and shit.

I also wonder why people are so quick to state their beliefs on something as if to verify what they believe. As if they don't have a firmness in theirselves. I'm in a chat room, and this person said how her friends grandfather died, and her stepsister was giving birth on the same day. I personally thought it was the perfect example of the circle of life. Her and her friend decided to just throw it out there that they don't believe in an afterlife and all that shit. I wanted to say "BITCH DID I ASK YOU?!" But...I'm tryna be a good person and shit. I know normal people would be all "OKAY COOL" BUt I don't go around saying "NIGGA I BELEE IN JEEBUZ NIGGA. I SEE DEM ANGULZ ERRWURR." I know there is a time and a place for every damn thing. A nigga ain't even say shit about God or no afterlife ._.